WARNING – CONTAINS TRIGGERS
With everything in the news at the moment regarding the Coronavirus, it’s obviously going to have an impact on my Health Anxiety. So I thought I would tell you about it…
When I first heard about the virus, it sounded like it was something in another country. You remember the Ebola Virus? Well it never seemed to head over to Wales. I think I sometimes think of Wales as this little island that seems protected. Like my own little bubble, but it’s not. It’s very capable of getting every little disease and virus. That’s obviously me just trying to push it out of my mind, however it seems this Coronavirus is going nowhere.
First I tried to stay away from the News, but let’s face it even if you stay away from watching the news it’s still everywhere! People are talking about it. At one point there was a whole conversation going on in work about whether it was a government conspiracy! The whole world is talking about it and for someone that suffers with Health Anxiety, that is a problem!
When it first started to get a little coverage in the media and it seemed to be just in japan, Anxiety levels were about a 2 at this time. It was a bit like
‘Oh there’s a disease in Japan, it could come here, but it probably won’t’
Then one morning I came downstairs just before work. We had Good Morning Britain on and they have the BREAKING NEWS circling on a loop at the bottom of the screen… the first British person has tested positive for the virus. Anxiety level jumped to 6. It was a bit like
‘Oh Jesus, that’s it now PANDEMIC’
I had this on my mind all day. Will I get infected? Am I already infected? I have a runny nose is that it? As you can imagine the questions all day in my head are tiring. For the people who think ‘why not just stop thinking’ I challenge you to stop thinking about bright yellow bananas… yeah exactly!
Now the other day I heard about them bringing a plane back from Japan full of people from the UK. From this blog you should be able to already guess the thoughts!! Mainly WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING!!! Surely they need to stay in a quarantine? Like waaaaaay away from a country I’m living in! but I also feel awful. They need to come home to their Families and Friends. It’s like Ethics over Mental Health!!
Then came the news about Italy, it was now starting to spread there. Like god that isn’t somewhere a million miles away. I could actually get there in around 2 hours on a plane! Anxiety Level 8. It’s a bit like..
‘OH GOD IT’S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME UNTIL IM INFECTED!!!!’
This morning came the news that 2663 people had died in China. Iran is on 8. Uk – 0 (yet).
Yes, I googled the UK one.
No, I shouldn’t have
Yes, I will regret it
No, I cannot stop
CARDINAL RULE NUMBER 1 OF HEALTH ANXIETY – DO NOT GOOGLE
So in other words I’m not doing too good. I know diseases like this have been around before and we have managed to eradicate them which is great. But this one feels different. It feels bigger and it may seem a little jokey in this blog but there is no joke. Everything I’m feeling is real. It’s affecting me at night. It’s affecting my ability to sleep. It’s constantly in my mind pushing at me to think about how ill I’m going to become. That of course then pushes to the point that my mind always reaches with thoughts like this… Death. Which is my trigger, it’s the thing I fear most. Well uncertainty which is of course at the forefront of death but that’s another blog entirely.
So as you can see I’m not in the best position with the whole coronavirus issue but I’m really hoping this is going to change. Let’s pray we can come up with a cure or that it doesn’t spread too far.
Coronavirus… If you’re listening… Please don’t come to Wales 🏴
State Of Mental 